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What's Coaching Really About?


So what is this profession really about? And why is it a dream shared by so many, but followed through by so few? Tune in to the show this week for why it's so important to get tuned in for why your business's mission and your vision is so important to you achieving the results you expect.

Full Transcript

Hey, Amanda here and welcome to the Amanda Kaufman Show. So every week I'm putting together content that is really not so specific. Omg. I've got, I've got the Coaches Plaza community, which you're welcome to come check out at www.thecoachesplaza.com, which is really much more specifically focused on how do I get my next coaching client and the Amanda Coffin show I decided would be a broader experience.

That is you talking with me, me talking with you about all of it. And it could be about, yeah, the coaching business. Sure, entrepreneurship, but also just whatever comes up. And this week what came up is very existential, and maybe it's because I just hosted our Alchemy Mastermind summer session and we were talking a lot about nurturing who you are as the inner coach and nurturing who you are as as a person so that you can grow what,

whatever you wanna do, what's it really for? What's it really for? What is coaching really about? Like when you say, Hey, I wanna be become a coach, or I wanna be a coach to other people. Why? When you declare I wanna have impact, I wanna have impact? What's that really about? So I've decided to go live without really telling anybody I didn't do a whole bunch of promo before turning on my Instagram live and all my various portals and channels to say that I was going streaming today.

And if you're catching this on team replay, say, Hey, I caught this. I saw this. The reason I think that a lot of people start with the plan or start with the journey and don't go a whole lot further is because they're not asking themselves this key question and they're not revisiting the question why? What's it really about? What's my why?

What? Why am I doing all of this? And I think that's a big question to revisit whether you are working in a corporate career, revisit it with your parenting, revisit it with your marriage, revisit it with your health, revisit it across all dimensions of life. What is the purpose of you grinding and driving so hard against any goal, but most especially goals that are affecting other people.

When we say I wanna have impact, good. We're human species, we are social beings, we are designed to be in network with one another. And okay, I want people to have impact. Very often people say to me, and I've said the same thing, I don't want anybody else to have the pain that I've been through. That's amazing.

That's a great motivation to get started and go deeper. I think it's so important to go deeper. And the reason is because in order to be successful in this space, you have to have a bizarre amount of consistency, an absolute bizarre amount of consistency. And it's not just about, oh, I'm consistent about being on my blog, or I'm consistent about checking my inbox,

or I'm consistent about sending my emails. Those are, those things are really important. It's consistency about getting real about where you are in the process. It's consistency about being regrouping and recalibrating because I'll be completely honest with you, the things that worked for me in 2017 won't work right now. Things that worked even in 2019 won't work right now because the market's changed.

The I've changed as a human being. So many things have changed and you've changed. I'm sure you've changed, you've learned new things, hopefully you've grown. So that consistency isn't just about having this gritty drive to just always show up to the same thing over and over again. It's also the consistency of coming back and recalibrating to your goals and going, what's shifted?

What's different? What, what is now required of me that maybe wasn't required before that I have to recalibrate and I have to show up. That consistency of revisiting your goals and recalibrating in light of the new, there's so much new that's going on. And maybe you've got like new needs as well. My, my family's grown so much since I started this journey,

and so the consistency is different. I've got kids going off to college really soon. You okay? You hurt yourself. Oh, just put that one aside. We discovered a bad grape. Like when I very first started this, I was actually pregnant with the one over here that's now going into the first grade. Crazy, right? Huh? Having this expectation that you're gonna hold everything the exact same is not exactly what's required.

Consistency is continually getting up and going in a changing environment, changing worlds changing requirements. When you know why you're showing up and doing what you do, you, you're also going to be more willing to develop your excellence. Your excellence is gonna come from a commitment to wanting to do it. I, this is the first time that I'm actually broadcasting my weekly blog,

my ramble across. I don't know, how many channels are we on? I'm on 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 channels. And then I'm gonna repurpose over to another thing. I've shifted my workflow today and it's more excellence. I've got better lighting today. I actually enrolled in a course to help me with all of this crap around the productivity, the production quality, because I wanna uplevel in that regard.

And why is because I got tuned into what is all this about? What is all of this for? And it's because I wanna connect with you better. I wanna do a better job of being in relationship with you who cares about impacting other people in a positive way. And I was actually interviewing someone for our support team in the background, and they asked me like,

what's my ultimate game with the coach coaches plaza and where I wanna go with my company and all of that. It's a big question, isn't it? And I was like, I don't wanna go a lot bigger. I wanna go a lot broader with my impact. I wanna do more. And when I got clearer about what's this really all about, I was like,

I think I wanna pursue this art. I wanna pursue the creativity of it, and there's a skillset that I want to develop in a bigger way and give myself permission to do that. I have developed so much skillset, oh my goodness, you should have seen me on video like a few years ago. I couldn't even form a sentence hardly. And I can now speak in extemporaneously at length for hours,

but there's still room for growth. There's still room for excellence. And that desire to pursue excellence, to enroll in more programs, to take more courses, to not view it as a failing on my part, but rather to see the roadmap un unfold before me. Like this, this curriculum that I see before me of here's the next PhD, here's the next,

here's the next mastery that I wanna develop because I know why I am doing it. For a lot of people when they wanna pursue something like becoming a coach of other people, they stop themselves because they're like, like, I'm not excellent enough. And here, having done so much coaching, working with some very incredible people who have accomplished things far beyond what I've accomplished in business,

far beyond what I've accomplished in athletics, far beyond what I've accomplished in even relationships, family, it's not about you being better than everybody else. That's not what coaching's really about. Coaching is about creating a container and experience for people that they can step into to become that next version. If you've ever seen Rocky, or if you've ever seen the any sports movie where the coach is outside of the ring,

you're not the athlete, you're the one that is helping create the environment for the athlete to step into their next level of excellence. That's what coaching is actually all about. That said, those coaches are veterans of their own lives. They're people who have chosen a level of excellence for themselves and have curated that for their coaching. They are excellent. They are not the athlete,

but they are the coach. And so when you are really clear about what's it all for, you're gonna show up to developing the excellence. And so that brings me to the next thing, which is, and this was so hard for me, so hard, which was the vulnerability to be seen building it. Because vulnerability is one of the absolute keys to relationships.

Vulnerability is one of the most important pieces in relationships because when people are looking for who do they want to connect with, they want somebody who's real. And I tested this actually the other day. The little marketer in me tested this the other day. And I've noticed on TikTok and Instagram, there's all of these women doing the Get Ready with me thing.

And I was like, really? And I was wondering if it was just me that I liked. Whoops, you okay? Okay, he's okay putting on their makeup as they were talking about something completely unrelated to makeup. So I tried it, I put makeup on while I was talking about the Alchemy Mastermind as it was coming together. And when you know it,

my views of my stories spiked through the roof. Think 10 x while I was putting on makeup in the morning. And here's, here's my hypothesis on why that worked so well. I think people want to be seen, want to see you building towards that excellence. They wanna see that you're not perfect underneath it all. See, see the good product,

excuse me, they wanna see the good product, They wanna see the final product. But everyone loves a good before and after. Everyone loves to see a good before and after. But in order to show that really excellent after, you have to be willing to show the before. And more than that, I think about the deepest relationships that I have,

the best friendships, the thick and thins, the ride or dies. They're the ones that share the secrets with you. The ones that tell you the stuff that they'd really prefer not to share. The stuff that could be damaging, the stuff that could be used against you, that that vulnerability, the show in the soft underbelly, that stuff is the stuff of relationships.

So when, and the reason why it's so important is because when we give someone something that they could use potentially against us and they choose not to, that proves trust. It proves trust. And I think in a world full of comparison online, and look how shiny this thing is and look how shiny that thing is, it's difficult, I think for people to feel that permission or even to know what to do with sensitive information.

You know, like we're not, like if something's not going quite right in our own individual world, We're not sure what to do. Are we supposed to post that on social media? No, I don't think so because everybody's social media world is so shiny. Am I supposed to tell my friend behind the scenes in the dms? No, I don't think so because it's supposed to be all just meme exchanges and how I,

everything's perfect. Everything's perfect. Look how perfect everything is. But that vulnerability is one of the things that makes the relationship a relationship. And I think that the other thing that is really challenging is like how much is too much? Are you dumping on your friend or are you dumping on your connection? Or is it an appropriate amount of vulnerability? And this is such a fascinating and interesting topic.

I think that's where personal growth and development is such an important thing and why it's so important for people to do it and why I think there's a role for so many different types of support in your personal growth and development. Like I think, and this is my opinion, but I think there's a role for medical support, therapeutic support, coaching support, so much support.

Because if you're growing, your life is made up of so many facets, like why would you have the expectation that you can only get help from one person ever? And that person is you and you're supposed to have all of the answers. That is a preposterous idea, that is a ridiculous idea. And there's just so much information out there. Some of it's good,

a lot of it's trash and it's difficult to know what is good information and what is garba. So this vul, this vulnerability trust thing, I feel is a huge differentiator because when someone can say, Hey, I actually really did do this and here's what I actually did and this is what happened and I'm not angry, this is what really happened, and then this is what I'm trying now,

and this is where I'm really at. That's powerful stuff. That's incredibly powerful stuff. And a lot of people don't wanna show it. They don't wanna talk about it because we don't wanna be made fun of. It's pretty simple. I think when you know why you're sharing something vulnerable and you know why it would be useful to someone else to hear it,

that's when you get brave and you tell the stories. I recently was on a stage in front of 200 people and now there's been reals shared and advertisements run. And I don't know how many tens of thousands of people have seen the story, but I admitted that I struggled with, with my finances and my business to the point where I had to almost had to fold it.

And I got served up with with papers and it was so scary. Like I obviously being served up with papers was scary, but making the choice to get vulnerable enough to tell that story was so scary. And I chose to do it because for me, what this coaching thing is really about is people need people in their lives who are not their friends,

who can be strong, supportive influences in their lives. That can be that coach in the corner so that the person can be rocky. And at that time, I didn't, I didn't actually have a good coach in my corner that I could really talk to until I did. And when I finally had a good coach in my cor corner that could help me through those financial challenges,

it helped so much. It helped so much. And the vulnerability to tell the story that you can work through your financial challenges when you understand you have to read the business books, you need to own your finances, you have to own your financial realities. You need to not post and pray. You've gotta actually learn how to market. You need to learn how to sell,

you need to just decide and have like that absolute killer instinct of just decision making to keep yourself keyed in and tuned in. And you can do these things. But if you don't, if you never share like that vulnerability, people don't believe you as much because you're only ever sh, you're only if you only ever share the shiny shoe, you only ever share like the excellence side.

People don't believe that you ever struggle with anything. And because every everybody is struggling with things, they just move on. So when you understand what you're really about and like why you're doing what you do, you also get to experience more grit. Grit being the trait where you'll fall down, you'll get back up. You'll just be stubborn, man, just so stubborn towards your goals.

And it could be a business goal, it could be a health goal, it could be relational goals, like whatever you want your life to look like. If you wanna have a life that is matching to the vision. The thing we very rarely really properly envision is how much effort it takes to create a very good quality of life. And that grit of tolerating failure,

future failure and learning, it takes so much recognition of That's right, that's what this is for. That's right, that's what this is for. It's not for you, it's not for you, it's not for you, it's not for you, it's for this, it's for me. And really dialing that in, really dialing that in. And I think the final idea about what's this all for?

Why do all of this? It has to be so much bigger than I need to make a paycheck or I just think it'd be cool, or I think, I think it'd be nice if it'd be cool if is having this ability to have a vision for your life, have the ability to see possibilities beyond today, to be able to speculate what's possible.

It's not that you have to know how it's gonna turn out because you're wrong. It won't turn out that way. There's no way that it's gonna turn out that way. But I think where people get super stuck, Hey, good job, dude, what really good job. Don't tell that I didn't the last Cream. I won't, you're good. That vision,

to see something bigger than where you are today, I think is incredibly important because where you are today has almost nothing to do with where you're gonna wind up next week, next month, next year. And staying super connected to the vision in makes all the difference. I like to say head in the clouds, boots on the ground. Meaning if you can keep a bigger vision and act accordingly,

but also keep your boots on the ground. Keep doing the things that matter day to day, making a decision based on the resources that you have right now, that supports the vision of where you're going and doesn't undermine the vision of where you're going, head in the clouds, boots on the ground, do what matters. You're gonna be so much further ahead than if you keep acting as if your boots are firmly planted in cement or that your vision is only this high off the ground.

You know, you can handle this. I know you can handle this. Thank you. We're learning autonomy. You can see past today, you can speculate. And when you understand what it's really for, you also get more creative about addressing the near term problems. So a lot of times when people are wanting to work with a coach, they're thinking very short term.

They're like, oh, I gotta get a client in the next 30 days. I gotta get a client in the next 10 days. Why? You've been okay with not having a client for the last however many years you've been thinking about this. Why do you need to get a client in the next 10 days? What is special about the next 10 days?

And it turns out that they've been having job performance issues or something like that, and they wanna quit their job. And it's like wherever you go, there you are. Whatever job performance issues you had, you're gonna have those issues when you go and create your entrepreneurial vision as well. So we need to solve the people interaction problems that you're having so that you can be an amazing entrepreneur.

Being a great entrepreneur means being an amazing people person. And if you're like terrified of people, hi, my name's Amanda. And I've been terrified of, I was terrified of people. Like when I very first started this thing, I was so scared of what everyone else thought. I was so programmed in my own mind of being completely beholden to what my boss thought,

what my peers thought, what my parents thought, what everybody thought of who I was, how I dressed, where I was, what I did. And it's just unnecessary. It is unnecessary to have that level of concern. And I'm here to tell you years later that I've worked through all of that and have had many clients and many more community members,

and I still slip into, oh gee, I wonder what people think of me. And I still have to get back to what's all this really about and what's all of this really for? I've studied the playbooks for what do I need to do to make a bajillion dollars as fast as possible, and I know tactically what I need to do to be able to do those things.

Thank you, Braxton. I know what I tactically need to do to be able to do those things. And what makes me consistent, what makes me pursue excellence? What makes me okay with vulnerability? What makes me okay with grit? What makes me okay with all of the things that we've talked about in today's weekly sesh is I'm pursuing it for my reasons and my art and my creation,

my presence, what I wanna do with this, not because somebody else handed me the playbook. I've studied the playbooks, I'm running parts of the playbooks that make sense, but I'm not conforming to someone else's cookie cutter plan. And I wanna encourage that for you too. There's certain key core elements to any business, to any life, to any career that you're gonna need to have in order to be successful.

That being said, there's a lot of things along the way that you can do that are gonna help you align with your congruence about how you're doing it. And you might go slower, I've ended up going slower, but my consistency allows me to have more fulfillment, more connection, and more authenticity in how I do it. And that's what I want for anybody that I work with.

So I hope that you found this to be useful and you can come check out the rest of my blog at www.amandakaufman.net/blog and I hope to see you next week. I kinda like doing it this way. We'll see you soon.



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