There are many paths to take when you are a coach, but it’s undeniable that you influence others as soon as you take up the title of “Coach.” With that leadership comes responsibility, to make sure the people you impact and influence feel safe in your communities, programs, and practice.
I sat down with Alyssa Hall, an expert and fellow coach who has been leading the charge on tackling Anti-Racism in coaching, the workplace, and in other businesses as well.
Diversity & Inclusion has long been a priority for us at The CRUSH Method. As we wrap up arguably one of the most challenging years that we have experienced so far, this tough discussion about race is one conversation that should continue into 2021 and for years to come…
The recognition that your role as a coach automatically makes you a leader is another top principle that we’ve taught since working with coaches professionally. Often, the coach’s role is confused as “bystander” or “side-liner.”
Particularly with the pervasive use of social media and online community growth in 2020, the priorities of creating an environment that is both inclusive, safe, and diverse are of more importance than ever!
Race can be an emotionally charged discussion to conduct. It is one that everyone has to participate in if we will create a genuinely inclusive environment.
We are proud of the diversity we get to enjoy in The CRUSH Method community. We are mindful of continuing to grow a community that has different cultures, perspectives, experiences, and backgrounds because we know the power of varied perspectives and the value of broadening relationships beyond what we grew up with or have by default.
We invited Alyssa to have a candid, sit down conversation with us. She’s been living and breathing the Anti-Racism conversation not only as an advocate for the discussion but as a professional coach. She has been a part of many meaningful conversations this year, and we can’t wait to see what else she does in the years to come with this critical work.
Listen to this in-depth and candid interview to find out more about how you, as a coach, can take anti-racism lessons and integrate them into your practice and leadership style.
Alyssa shares her experience since the national (and international) conversation about racism exploded onto the scene earlier in 2020 and what we as coaches need to do if we’re going to make sure this priority survives the ever-spinning news cycles.
At the end of the interview, Alyssa graciously shared with us a resource you are welcome to watch right here with the training you won’t want to miss. Click here to get that gift from Alyssa.
Transcript of Vlog - Dec 13, 2020
Hi there. My name is Amanda Kaufman. I'm Chris Lavelle, and you are listening to ktcm Show. Join us each week for ideas to help you move your coaching business forward into service of others faster and with better results, we're committed to professionalism and coaching. We want to help you get it done. Hey, welcome to the show,Alyssa. I'm so glad that you're here and thank you for accepting my random invitation to have you join me on the crush mustn't show today. How are you doing? I am so good. I'm really excited about this. This is the most exciting thing I have on my calendar all day. So I'm glad to be here. I'm so glad I was so glad to hear it.
So Alyssa, I'm, I'm really excited to dig into what you do as a coach and, and specialty. And just for the listeners, you know, Alyssa and I come from a very similar training in our coaching, like mindset, coaching, core energy coaching, but we didn't go to school together. We actually grew up in the, in the community together over the past couple of years.
And Alyssa caught my eye because 2020, as we know has been a whole lot of big conversations, right. And one of those really important conversations is around social justice and Alyssa. I mean, wow. You know, we are, we, we were two members of a Facebook group basically. And, and you caught my attention through really bravely stepping into that conversation that could not have been comfortable.
And what really impressed me is is you just, you keep talking about it. And when everybody else, like the news cycle seems to be slowing down the conversation a bit. And I I've just been so impressed with it. I had to invite you to the show. So welcome. Welcome, welcome. Yes. Thank you. It's it's like you said, 2020 has been a real whirlwind. I was looking at my vision board that I did in January and I was like, well, I had no clue. Like you literally have no clue what was actually going to happen. But yeah, this topic is extremely important to me and I feel like exactly what you said. I'm continuing to bring it up and make it a part of the conversation, even though it's died down elsewhere. Yeah. So good. So just, just so that people kind of get to know you a little bit, do you mind just taking 30 seconds or so, and just like bragging a little bit about what you do? Yes. So my name is Alyssa. So if you guys haven't found out already, I am an anti-racism coach.
I am a single mom to a four year old living in New York, possibly moving into Texas. We'll see on the next episode, but I have been really honing in on anti-racism as a way to help people make an impact. And by doing that with their, in their lives and their regular everyday lives, as well as in their businesses as coaches and other service providers.
That's amazing. That's amazing. So I'm curious, like, were you an anti-racism coach before March, 2020 or did you see like that coming and then decided, Oh my gosh, like, that's my calling. I have to follow that. And I'm just really curious, how did that come about for you? Yeah, that that's actually exactly what it was before this.
I was a life coach for moms helping them pursue their passions. And that was my own story. So I felt like, okay, like, this is how I can help people, you know, do the things that they wanted to do. Cause I know moms tend to get like really stuck and not being able to do the things that they want,
but then right after George Floyd was murdered at the end of may, I like, it was like an off switch happened and I had, and I was like, I don't care about that stuff anymore. I'm just going to talk about social justice anti-racism and what people can do to help. Because what I was seeing in my internet world was just a, I'm getting like the visual of there's a scene in mean girls where Regina, George just standing there and then the entire school is running around in circles. And that's what I had imagined. The internet being like everyone is just running around screaming, not knowing what to do and wanting to do something. But I was just like, okay, let me just, let me just talk about this and help these people out. And after like two or three weeks of talking about it, literally practically on the same day, both my coach and my therapist were both like, why don't you just make this your niche? And I was just like, what, Oh my God, I don't know, like Nate. And I was like, you know what? I'll, I'll test it out. I'll make a little landing page and I'll do this for a little bit and see if I like it.
And it's been for four and a half months since I've officially made the switch. And I'm like, this is it. This is me. This is what I've been meant to do. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Like if you happen to be listening to this on the podcast, you just have to like, feel the energy of Alyssa smile right now.
She's like beaming from ear to ear. And you know, I want to like pull, pull out a couple of threads around your business journey on that as well. Right? Like we're you started out as really kind of coaching yourself five minutes ago. And that, that first self you selected was the mom who was looking for, you know, her dreams and the connection that was sort of the identity that you were relating to.
But I love how you allowed yourself to continue to pursue your passion, your interests, like the thing that you just, you, you couldn't look away from it. It sounds like. And how did you know mean girls is like, seriously, one of my favorite movies, but I know exactly what you mean with that scene of like, just like there's total chaos going on.
And Regina, George sparked the whole thing and, and it's like, people just didn't even know what to do with themselves. And that's such a great way of describing it. But what I love is you just, you follow that. Maybe not even realizing it would be a passion. Exactly. But you followed that clue, that big clue, that that was something that you were drawn to, that you were pulled to. I love that you used your coach and your therapist to kind of like process through how you were feeling and experiencing that. And coaches listening to this, she threw together a website and said, Hey, I'm going to give it a try, right. Ear to ear because you found something that you just love. We, we are always coaching coaches to like, be okay with having a hypothesis for what it could be, but be okay with pivoting too. I love that. That's so good. Thank you for sharing that. All right. So, so as you started this journey down the anti-racism path, right. And you started like, when did you realize, or when did you start to really feel it as a click?
Like it was really starting to be something like, Oh, I'm going for this. Oh my gosh. It was so funny that while I was talking about it online, like making videos, I was making videos nearly every single day. And when it started to click for me, it was so strange. It was like, when it started to click for me was when I realized that the tools that I was teaching people were where my coaching tools.
And I was like, wait a minute. I, and at the time I was working for a company doing coaching there and I'm just like, I'm sitting here pulling out the stuff that they taught me. And that's what I'm teaching people in terms of like how to have these conversations, how to maneuver all of these things that are going on. And I was just like, this is all coaching. And then that's when I was like, okay, wait a minute. Let me see how I can like, do something, create something as a way to help people through this. But it was in noticing that everything that I was saying was literally coaching tools. Amazing, amazing, like coaching is so powerful, isn't it just the experience of it.
And like when you do have those tools, it's, it is really amazing how many different situations those tools can truly apply to whether you're helping people in social justice or in leadership or health or career or wealth, you know, fitness, you know, whatever, it's the same kind of tools. It's just that the particular, we call it a problem of appropriate magnitude.
Like the particular thing that you're trying to address is that could be different, but the tool set is kind of the same. That's so cool. Yes. And it's so interesting once you like, especially, I feel like when you go through a coach training program, a lot of us, I know for me, I was just like, okay, I'll figure out how to use what I learned there, but whatever. But then when you like sit down and really like, think about it, you can use that for any different type of means. You don't have to feel like you're stuck in whatever thing you thought you were going to do. It's so like malleable, I think the word is, yeah. Word. That's a good word. It's a, it's a bit of a blessing and a curse, I think, because on one hand it can be used for anything. But if you're, if you're speaking to everybody, it's almost like you're speaking to nobody. Right. Right. And you know, what I thought was, was very interesting about your choice of, of focusing on anti-racism as a topic.
That's an everybody kind of a problem, but it's a specific problem. Right. So, you know, I think sometimes niching, it gets taught the wrong way. And like talking about talking about social justice and about diversity and inclusion, you know, when you approach a, neesh like, I'm a, you know, my avatar, I hate ideal avatar.
So I'm super biased in this, but you know, if you say, Hey, my avatar is a white woman. Who's 43 with 2.4 kids and a dog. And she orders like a latte macchiato at Starbucks and she drives a minivan. And it's red. Like when we start getting into all of that specificity of an ideal avatar, I actually think that it's setting us up for a couple of problems.
And one of those problems is, is possibly that you're describing a unicorn. Like you're describing somebody who maybe doesn't actually exist. Maybe she does. But I think the bigger issue is, is that incentive, solving the actual problem for somebody you're choosing them based on like demographics, which is one of the big reasons why diversity can be so difficult to be inclusive is because you're envisioning something maybe different than the reality of the people that are totally available.
That would absolutely love whatever it is that you haven't yet. Yes. And that you literally like hit the nail on the head on like what, one of the things I work with my clients on like at the very end of what we do together, that's a part of it is like doing the diversity work. And I'm just like, you know, when you think about your ideal avatar, you have to realize there's so many different. I, I use the word like flavors, but the real word I'm trying to use is like versions. There's different versions of that same person. And you have to see where they are on their journey and what it looks like for them to try interact with your work. Because I feel like the person that you described as like the person that we all think of when we think of like our ideal client and it's like Regina shore, like who is that? That was adult Regina. For sure. For sure. Amazing. I love this. So, so Alyssa, when you're, when you're having this conversation about anti-racism, I mean, like it's, it's obviously a pretty charged topic and yet you talk about it even to this day, pretty much daily. Like I'm seeing you on, on Facebook pretty much every day, sharing something that's really valuable to the conversation. And I think one of the things I really admire about how you're talking about it is that you're not, you're not shying from the topic and you are also, I can tell you're being very careful with how you're saying things to still be received in the spirit that it's intended.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that is something I feel like I have to not, I don't want to say tiptoe, but when I'm talking about it, I don't want, I want people to listen to what I'm saying. And I want people to know that there's like deeper meaning to what I'm saying. So like I come on every single time and I'm like giving value, but at the same time, I'm just like, Hey, I'm okay. You're okay. You're not a terrible human. We can all exist here, but listen, you still need to change. Yeah. I mean that, that like an influence can be really tricky. Right. Because sometimes it can, it can sometimes feel like you're, you're sort of saying the same message over and over again.
And you know, you wonder sometimes if you're getting through, I suppose, but I'm curious, like, are, are you getting through, do you feel like it's, it's starting to resonate with the people that you have some influence over. It's a very interesting thing. So I feel like in June, people were like falling over themselves, like listening to myself, commenting, sharing, doing all the things. Right. And as the months have gone on, it's like dissipated. And what I have noticed though, is the people who do sign up for me as clients, they are more heavily invested though. Like, I'll get on a call with one of my clients and they'll be like, yeah. So I heard your video the other day.
And I was like, Oh, that was never a thing. Even for the clients who have like enrolled with me in June, they were just like, you know, in it, like, like kind of all in, but you could tell that they were, yeah. It was just like, okay, sure. But now the amount of people that are like heavily engaging is less, but the people that are heavily engaging are like very much deep into it, very serious about it versus before I felt like everyone was kind of like trigger happy and was just ingesting all of the things. Yeah. Gosh, that's a, you're really describing the general consumer trend and curve. Right? Like what the new thing, like if you want to have a bit of a kick go to Google trends and look up the term fidget spinner and right.
So, you know, it, it, at the time that fidget spinners came out, it was just like, you know, the only thing that everybody could talk about. And then there was like I say, if I just spent in here, like, Oh yeah, right. And that's just sort of the natural way that consciousness tends to happen.
You know, one of the things we teach at in, in our programs is this concept of consciousness based selling, because we don't believe in pushy sales, we believe in conscious sales, right? Like where your, your client is stepping into something because they, they know that it's aligned and it's right for them, not because you trick them. So, but, but with that consciousness, one of the, one of the things that we teach is is that when somebody is getting into that, that point of having the conversation with you, and they're like maybe going to hire you as a coach, their consciousness to the situation, to the problem that they've been facing can be elevated. Right. So you can really have some movement and decision-making and commitment that's happening in that space because they're literally awake to what's going on.
But if somebody gets off the phone or they get out of that sales situation, they returned to, you know, taco Tuesday and the commute and dealing with homeschooling and all that kind of stuff. Then what happens is like, we describe it, like their consciousness, literally receipts, like it just kind of, it goes back into hibernation and back into hiding.
And I feel like there's a lot of your work and please correct me if I'm wrong. But so I know you're a consciousness based coach. Like you, you teach about consciousness and all of that. So can you talk to me a little bit about like, why is it that the conversation is, is receding a bit, a lot on social justice, even though it was like probably the, the biggest conversation I can remember in my life that I can remember. I don't know about how you feel about it. How do you feel? Yeah, Yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh. And then, yeah, exactly. It's six months later. It's just like, Oh yeah. That thing, like, and like, they're looking at their shelf of like the books that they've binged bought and like have maybe touched one, but no, it's, it's really funny that you actually mentioned that. Like I just wrote out an entire social media posts talking about the cycle and it's really just this whole cycle that we all go through. And I wanted to really put that out there.
So people can say like, Hey, I know that you feel like you you're doing something. And what happens is that an event happens and then we have a reaction to it. And for this specific example, the event was George Lloyd's murder. And then we have the reaction, which is like, Oh my gosh, this is terrible. What is going on?
And just like anger and frustration. And then what that immediately led into was shame and guilt of feeling like, how did I not know? This is terrible. I don't know what to do. And just like that really heavy energy. And then to get out of that heavy energy, it was the action. And for that's what I was talking about in June, like a lot of people were taking that huge action, buying all the books, hiring all the anti-racism, DEI people, donating money, creating scholarships, like doing all these big, big actions, just jumping off of that shame and guilt. And then what happens after that? Is this feeling of like, stuck, like, okay, now what? Like I bought the book, well, it didn't fix me. I joined the book club that didn't fix me. Yes. That one. And then they're just sitting there and like this limbo situation, I'm just like, okay, now what? And then what eventually happens is that because they are so stuck and don't know what to do next, after that big action that they took, it becomes like, it goes on the back burner. They're just like, okay, well I need to do my business. I need to deal with homeschool. I need to do all this stuff. This is still important. Cool. Front burner things kind of come back to the front burner. Exactly, exactly. And so then they're just like, Oh, well this is still important to me. And like a hundred percent, like I fully believe that it's still important to people, but since they don't know what action I needed to take, or just like, I have to figure that out later, this stuff is important and then another event happens and then we're going through the same thing again. Oh my gosh, man, you nailed it. Right. The cycle of change. And you know, and every transformation is like this, but you know, when it comes to anti-racism, you know, the cost of that is so high. And, you know, the, the, the fact it was so, so painful for so many all through the springtime of this year.
And, and even with pandemics and all of those restrictions, people literally showing up in the streets because of this. And yet, you know, just a few months later back to the cycle, we go back to back to the, and that's why transformation is so difficult. It's so difficult because then in a moment of inspiration and heightened consciousness, you make a decision to change.
And the, one of the hardest things, when you're a coach or a course creator, or even a consultant, is to sustain the energy for the client to sustain their energy through the transformation process, that they are continuing to show up to sessions bright-eyed and bushy-tailed that they are continuing to do the work, which is actually required in order to achieve said transformation, whatever transformation it is that you're working on. So, so Alyssa, if somebody was to work with you, you know, we work with coaches, CEOs of their coaching businesses. What can you just describe for us, like what your anti-racism work really is like when somebody comes to you, I'm thinking they have some level of consciousness about, about the role of racism in their programming and all of that kind of thing, but could you kind of paint a picture for us of like what's there before and what's the after from working with anti-racism coach, such as yourself? Yeah. I, the core of the program was what I had created in June. And as I've been doing this work with a lot of coaches, I have started adding in things that I realized was necessary in order to keep the work sustainable.
So at the core of it is always, you know, the anti-racism piece, really doing that deep dive within yourself and understanding the stories that we've been told our entire lives and really learning those things. Like I even had a conversation with a couple of clients about the meaning of the word professional and where that comes from and how that shows up for us and how we look at other people just from that word professional.
And it seems so, I mean, it's like, it allows you to look at someone completely different and it's just like, is that you want to even subscribe to that word. We're all CEOs here. Like, do you want that to be your version of professional? So even regular, everyday things really exploring that for ourselves. And then also doing the actual actionable work, which is sometimes the hardest part of like having conversations and productive conversations with like your friends, your family, the people in your circle. And my favorite part with my clients is having them see where their spheres of influence actually are. If there's this amazing diagram that like showed like a person standing in the middle and it showed like different circles of just like school work, church, community, all these places where you have some type of a voice, like, even if you are a single person with your mom, and that's the only person you talk to, that's one person that talked to, right. Exactly. I can't get away from influence. You have influence. Yeah. Yes. We're all, we're all coaches.
We're all trying to be the CEOs of our own business. So we have even double the influence than like quote unquote, regular people. So that's like the core of the word. And then what I realized was like, we can do all that work, but then when it comes to implementing it specifically in the business, all of that becomes 10 times harder because now we have people who are paying us or who want to pay us.
And so when that comes up, a lot of like people pleasing a lot of scarcity mentality, all of that stuff. And I realized we need to coach on that too, because you can learn all the tools here, but if you don't implement it in your business and in your coaching space, then your business is no longer a safe space. And that's my goal is to have them be a safe human and have a safe space for their business.
And then the final piece is working on like little, I call it like little sprinkles of diversity and inclusion. And that work is really having people see you for who you are after you've made this transformation of just like, Hey, I am a safe space. This is what I stand for. And being out there like that so that the right people do come to you.
They know exactly that you understand them. And that's another piece too, is understanding the different versions of your ideal client, what that looks like in a diversity lens and how you can help them solve their specific problems. Because people don't realize like, even something as simple as I made a video about like showing up online, like there's a lot of people who I know have like businesses that are solely around helping people feel confident with showing up online.
And I was like, that's fine. But when it comes to black women showing up online, it may not even be a confidence piece. But if you're just talking about confidence and we're thinking about the fact that like I was talking about hair texture and like right now I have all my scars, but if I didn't have one, my scar, it's a mess, but I have to feel confidence as a black woman to show up somewhere with a scarf on my head so that I can move my business forward. Versus normally the way that society talks to us is that you have to be the pinnacle of perfection and blend in with everyone else. And your scarf is seen as ghetto or homely. Like, so it's a different type of conversation versus,
Oh, does the confidence show up online? It's like girls is a little bit deeper than that. I'm winded explanation as to what my, well, my process is like, Yeah, there, I love it. I love it. Cause it's so multifaceted. I, I, I'm curious, like with the word professional, for example, that definitely comes up a lot in our communities.
Like I want to be a professional. I want to show up professionally. I wonder. Would you mind unpacking for us a little bit? Like what, what about that term or that word is, could be problematic when it comes to how you're using that or how you're showing up in your, in your business? Yes. Okay. So this one, when it came out in a session, I was like, this is going to be the example I use for until the end of time, because this is like, I was like, yeah, of course I'm going to be professional. Right. And it's such, it's such a regular word. And where it came up was for all of my clients,
I purchased a, a lecture on anti-racism and it's by an anti-racism educator. And she is a black woman and she is completely 125% herself. And when my client listened to it, she was just like, Oh my gosh, I hate that. I'm saying this. But like, I wanted my family to listen to it too. Like she's talking about like her, her parents, but she wanted to like send it to other people because she felt like the information was amazing, but she kept having the depo thought of, I wish she sounded more professional. And that is so normal one, not like normal in terms of this is what black people have to experience. Like even like right now, as I'm talking, I have like my coaching voice and I have my normal base, like right now, this is my coaching voice. And my normal voice is clearly kind of the same, mostly, mostly the same, but we have to have that. It's called like code switching. Like you can talk in this way with your regular regular people, but then once you go into a professional environment, you have to talk in this certain way and work that like I did with my client was we broke down, like, okay, when you picture your professional, what does that look like to you? And she was saying that it was either when we looked at a man, it was like a white male CEO of some type of like corporate company with like a suit. And then if it was a woman, like it was like a British headmistress. And she was like, I don't want to be either of those. Exactly. I love that. I don't think any of us do, but when we think about professional and we have this specific image of a person when someone else comes in, no matter how much information that they have, no matter how much knowledge they have, they don't fit that image. Then that alone brings them down some notches.
And when it comes to culture, that alone, just someone walking in their, their natural culture that can be seen as unprofessional. And that alone makes it difficult for them to get ahead. So if we were to change the way that we think of professional and what actually means, and that can create more opportunities for other people, like I could, when I worked at the restaurant, I could never walk in with my scar. I literally could not. I would have to either I'm flat on my hair in the morning and that's means me waking up early and damaging my hair, or I can't even give you another option. Like, that's why you see so many women who would like, rather if I had the money, I would get like a $500 wig and those ones are expensive, but it's for the same purpose of, I don't have the time and energy to present myself as this person, as this version of myself every single day. So I need to take the shortcut so that I can still blend in and fit in with your mom. Mm mm. So good Alyssa. You're you're just amazing. And, and thank you. Like just that one word.
I, the confirmation biases that people have, the unconscious biases that people have about just something as innocuous as the word professional. It's not that innocuous at all. I love it. I love it. That's so powerful. Thank you for sharing that with us. You know, you're, you're, you're really speaking to, to my heart and I really appreciate you and appreciate you taking the time.
You know, when I started in the coaching industry, I I'm a, I'm an ambitious girl. What can I say? Like, I, I want to really create meaningful impact and I want to create a real, a lasting impact. Right? And so I've got big plans, big vision for, for where, where I'm headed. And I remember starting out with, with my business and I'm like, I'm not tall, I'm not blonde and I'm not skinny. Right. And, and when I first stepped out into this space back in 2016, 17 is when I was really looking around and like, like, and did all the marketing and everything like that. And I did not see myself. Right. But at the same time, I definitely do acknowledge like the privilege that I have and I have experienced in my life. I still, I feel like you're speaking to my heart because one of the big motivations for why I wanted to build a coaching business to help coaches is I was sick and tired of the stigma. Right. And the stigma and the stigmatization of like, Oh, well, a coach looks like this. Like a coach has Lamborghini and lives in a mansion. Right. And I'm like, but I live in the suburbs and I got a minivan or a coach is like completely naturopathic. And like, this is what a coach looks like. And, you know, from what you're describing of like the professionalism, you know, I realize that that, that my experience, and that was like a microcosm of, of what you're, you're really talking about in a, in a bigger scheme. But it's no wonder there's so much alignment to what you're talking about, what we're talking about. Like, cause the thing is, is people just want to be people, you know, they want to be fully expressed a hundred, 5% just like you described the, the lecturer. Right. And, and it's just so you can do this thing, you know, you can build a business, you can create based on your passion, you can pursue and you can do these things. And I love like what you're doing is causing a real ripple effect because you're not just making it possible for yourself and for your individual clients, but you're helping them open doors for people to, you know, and Just shutting The first damn place. But you know, let's, let's fix it. Yes. And we as coaches, we just, as just business owners, period, like I, I feel like we don't realize how much of an impact we have on the wider world, just from deciding I'm going to create something myself and I'm going to stand in my own leadership.
I'm going to stand in by myself and build something from there. That alone is insane. But by doing that, you're also shifting what it looks like to be successful, what it looks like to be professional just from existing as yourself. And I feel like when I think of like the long-term goal of my, my business is I want these coaches that I work with to feel comfortable being themselves and standing in their values and their troop and saying it loud.
And I want the clients that they go that come to them to also feel comfortable, being themselves, working with someone who understands exactly what they're going through. I feel like that, like what you're saying right now, it's just about being an individual, seeing yourself represented in so many different ways and we have the power to do that. Just, just from existing.
Yeah. And just like being, being willing to step into that, you know, Chris and I are working on a series called a positive leadership series that we're going to be releasing to the community shortly. And with, with that whole, with when you're deciding to build a business, you know, it's so true. You are deciding to step into that leadership role.
And you know, Alyssa, I, I wonder you mentioned a little bit earlier and I didn't, I didn't set this up kind of ahead of time with you. So it's okay. If it's like they have to go somewhere and figure it out. You mentioned you had some sprinkles, like little things that business owners could do that would make a massive impact just on how they're, how they are addressing the anti-racism agenda. Whether they work with you down the road or, or not like what are just a couple of little things that they could do right now today that don't take a whole lot of effort, but make a whole lot of impact. Do you mind sharing a couple of those sprinkles with us? Yes, absolutely. And because these are, I feel like the easiest part and it's kind of why I stayed over for Alaska Parker, but something that from like the very first call that I have my clients start doing is diversifying their existence. Because what I've noticed that a lot of people are doing is we're reading books about racism or reading books about diversity, about anti-racism watching the documentaries very important. But when it comes to the specific people that we're trying to help, that part is, is completely lost. Like the, the culture, every, the, the actual, regular, everyday issues that happen, all of that is completely lost. And what I have my clients do is just learn how to diversify their lives. And like, literally the first, like one of the first couple of calls is I have them go out and write down every single thing that they like to do for fun.
And some of them come back and they're like, yeah, I like watching documentaries. I like reading nonfiction. I'm like, okay, but what, what fun stuff do you do? Like do fun things. Tell me what they are, come back. What movies do you like sort of watch, like when you're binge watching Netflix, what are you binge watching?
And like, what we do is we go through every single thing and we take the qualities from those. And then we try to find something that can match that, that is involved in black culture. And I feel like by doing that, that just starts the sustainability piece because it's not like, Oh, I have to go out and do this thing.
It's more of just like, I feel like watching a comedy today, let me put on my favorite, whatever, whatever. I don't know. I don't watch comedy as you know, like really making it so that different cultures are involved in your life and something that I haven't spoken about much, but I feel like it's kind of helpful is I'm actually half African-American and half Cuban.
So I didn't realize that I was actually doing this work on myself, but that's something I had to actually go out and do. Like, my mom was the one who's Cuban and she's a single mom. So I'd see my dad, like, you know, the, every other weekend thing and yeah, I can get, I do get culture and like all that from there.
But when I'm at home, it was very Americanized. And so in order for me to really get involved in like in black culture, I had to like intentionally watch the movies, watch the shows that everyone was watching at the time I had to make that an intentional thing. And that's what I teach my clients to do too. It's like, yes, I could sit down and watch friends for the 25th time. Or I can like watch something similar quality or mean girls, or I can do something that has similar qualities and will fill that cup for me. I will still feel like I'm enjoying something, but I'm also understanding what black life is like little by little and not for you to just sit there with a notebook.
And like, but you know, you'll, you'll be more ingested into the culture and really like bridging that out for yourself. So that's like the one easy thing. And the second one is just being comfortable with being yourself, your full self, as you're talking about your business, like not just this like cookie cutter professional version that you feel like you have to be, but just feel comfortable talking about things that are important to you. That aren't just about your business. And then when we do the harder stuff, it makes it easier and people understand what you're about. That makes so much sense. That makes so much sense. And, you know, with, with our business as well, like I think there's so many decisions you make along the way, and the more consciousness you can have about your decisions and about why you're choosing them the better off you're going to be. And I remember like way back when we were, we were really like, Chris wasn't involved yet. I was still doing my thing. And I was, I was faced with this odd question and it was like, should I be a coach for female coaches?
Right. Or should I coach women with, with the thing I was faced with? And I had like a moment of consciousness and I actually shared it with Chris. And he's like, well, why would you, why wouldn't you just look at yourself like that? You, I was so grateful that he has like that perspective, but it's like those little micro decisions that you're making all the way along the way that kind of stack and add up to the result of what is the community, what is the culture that you're going to be creating and how safe is that culture for, for people? I don't know if you've read this book yet. Alyssa, it's called the culture code by Daniel Coyle. Have you read this one? No, that's going on my list now. Okay. Well, Like we're talking about safety and like creating something where people can be fully expressed and kind of be exactly who they are.
And I just happened to have read this book recently and, and when it comes to it's called the secrets of highly successful groups. So the thing is, is that when you are a coach, I did not fully appreciate this when I started. And I definitely did not fully appreciate it until, especially in 2020, but you really are. If you're building a business around your coaching skill, you are choosing to have influence on a community of people. And whether that community is on your email list or in a Facebook group, or they happen to be a friend follower on a profile, like if you are online talking about what you do as a coach and how you help people guess what you're building a community. And, you know, you really are stepping into that leadership role.
So, so I've been obsessed about unlocking the secrets of community. And I think 2020 has been just so galvanizing on that as a concept for us, you know, of course we want the success of the individual client. The success of the individuals is going to be a reflection of the community at large, but so much of what they talk about in the culture code, I think really speaks to your work, which is when members of the community feel safe, the community is able to contribute and bring synergy. The second that people feel threatened and they can not be vulnerable, whether it's wearing a headscarf or whether it's, you know, the, the color of your skin or the accent you have, or your sexual orientation, or, you know, gender identity or any one of those things like the second that you feel threatened, because you're not, you're not part of the norm. You tend to withdraw right, as, as a member of that community. And that sends danger signals, literally danger signals to all the other people in the community, which causes them to amplify because guess what they do.
Right. And, and they're, they're scared. And, and so like, everybody's freaked out. So when you talk about that Regina George moment, that society felt, you know, in, in the spring of 2020, a lot of it really has to do with what's described in the book. So I'm glad you're gonna, you're gonna read it, but you guys that are listening, like if you've been listening and following along to what Alyssa has been saying about anti-racism behavior and really embracing full culture, right. Not just the culture that you're experiencing every single day, I feel like blessed and biased and all of those kinds of things too, by being a Canadian who moved to the United States, right? Like, Holy cow, I would never have predicted when I was 16 years old. I remember saying I'm like, I would never move to the United States. I would never live in Texas. I'm here I am. But so it's so funny, right? So like, I, I have had some experience with like cultural bias and like having to unlock that and shine a light and be open to the receipt of like different ideas and different ideology and different, like all these kinds of things. But a lot of us don't write a lot of us, like, stay with the same crowd, the same family, the same neighborhood, the same, same, same, same, same, same. And that's what leads to a lot of that lack of safety is, is that it's not safe to penetrate those communities.
Right. And then it doesn't allow anyone to grow. And when we think about our clients growth, like we, of course we can do all that we can, but if your client doesn't feel like they don't feel safe or they don't feel like you'd even understand them, like the conversation I was talking about with the headscarf, like, all she'll tell you is I, I'm not confident showing up online as often as I'd like to, and then you'd coach her in the way that you think would be helpful at that situation. But actually deep down inside is rooted all of these other things that she doesn't feel like she can even tell you because she doesn't want to spend 40 minutes of the coaching session explaining to you what that even is.
So it's just like, let me just take whatever it is that she says. Now I'll test it out. Most likely won't work because it doesn't address the actual issue. And I feel like that's what we need to realize that we're creating the safe space for people to tell you all of these things. So you can more powerfully help them. And so that you can more powerfully just be grow as a coach and just amazing.
Like, that's fun. I love that. I love that. I love that. There's so much in that like the, the patients that it's going to take as you're like, as you're building the relationship, just like recognizing that there's deeper layers that maybe you don't understand. And I think it can be really dangerous as well to assume you understand, you know, I love, I love how Bernay Brown talks about the difference between sympathy and empathy, right? So practicing a lot of empathy for your clients who maybe have a different cultural background who maybe they're not like don't expect people to just take a lifetime of trauma that they've experienced, or even just holding judgment, maybe against you, possibly who knows what their experience has been, but like holding that space and having that patience and having that empathy and creating that safety that people can unlock and open up to you. And then you have the most amazing breakthroughs, amazing relationships, lots of diversity and rich kind of relationships and connections. And, and part of why I'm looking at community so much is, is that it's one thing for Amanda to reach out to Alyssa and have a conversation, right? It's, it's a really painful thing when you create a space and I encourage every coach, that's listening to this, create a space where your community members have empathy for another. Right. And, and just have that safety for each other. Cause like that's going to be where the real ripple is going to be. Right. Right. And as coaches, you're the ones who create that because I've seen some, some communities that were just like a little weird, but it's the coach who brings that energy there. And everyone almost like absorbs that and can take that and build that community for you in that way. I love it. I love it. So, Alyssa, I mean, you're obviously an expert in energy and consciousness and coaching.
You are passionate and focused on anti-racism. You know how this may relate to one of our listeners as well. If you are a coach and a leader, and you want to make sure that you're stepping into creating something that is safe for, for people to join your community and you want to be that leader, who's being proactive and anti-racism, you know, how can they, first of all, how can they just look you up? What's the best way to get in touch with you? Yes, I'm on Facebook, but I tell everyone all the time, my name is the most simple names. So you're going to get 12 different versions of Alyssa hall. None of them look like me if you're watching the video, you know, but I'm also on Instagram at<inaudible> the life coach and my website actually has links to both. So Alyssa hall, coaching.com. Fabulous. Well, we'll, we'll exchange an email after this and we'll get all of that into the show notes as well. And I understand you put together a resource that our community may be interested in. Do you want to tell us a little bit about that video training you put together?
Yes. And I feel like this is actually perfect for your audience, because what we were talking about before of just like how at the beginning I was through a website together and I just did my thing and just like got out there. This is another example of that. So one of the videos that I had created back in June, it was a Facebook live, but I think there were only like two people talking there. So it was really just me. And it was about how to have productive conversations about racism and that I don't want to like toot my own horn, but that's it, it was so good. It was so, so good. I don't want to redo this video. I look cute that day.
It came out perfect. And then I was going to like create a workbook instead of doing the video. And I was like, no, they're going to get the information better. So that is what I have for you guys. I have created a video training based off of that video and it is, it's so good. You're going to get so much information and it's like 15 minutes old.
It's not even that bad. So amazing For doing that for us. That is so amazing. So co coaches definitely go check that out. So Alyssa, and you can find her at Alyssa hall, coaching.com. And you know, if you're a coach who's ready to, to really commit to anti-racism in the longterm. Not just, not just because it's part of the news cycle, but because you know how important diversity and inclusion really is, I encourage you at least follow Alyssa, go check out her training video, take the 15 minutes for it. You know, we'll make sure you have the links in the show notes so that you can follow her. Watch one of her life. She does it so often. Now you're really on the hook.
You're going to have to keep doing it. Thank you So much for joining me today, unless I really appreciate you. I love doing this and I love the work that you do. So of course I was just an immediate yes, whatever it is, I'm here. Amazing. Well, we'll see you in the community. See you soon On that note.
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